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I was looking for a place to go to help me be more objective, more skillful, and less reactive. I found it!

anonymous

June: Perfect Speed is Being There!

June 21: Goals as LIMITS

Pretend for the moment that the goals you set are limits to your overall performance!

Suppose everything you were taught about goals is wrong. Try to remember some of the beliefs that
were drilled into you from an early age. Here are some examples:
• Goals provide a measure for your success.
• Goals are tangible.
• Goals make it easier to understand if objectives are being met.
• Without goals, efforts will become scattered.
• Without goals it becomes difficult to communicate intended outcomes to others.
• Without goals it is easy to become lost.
• Goals create certainty of purpose.

What if goals just get in the way? Ask yourself if you might have accomplished more if you had not focused so intensely on goals that said 20%, or this many new clients, or by age 40, I will have….What if “this many new clients” got in the way of going deeper into the ones you have, or even caused you to neglect and lose the ones you have??? What if “I must have a child by the time I am 35″ was limited by assuming you must have? Perhaps you needed to work toward I will have children in my life that I can nurture and help form. Think of all the possibilities that open up when you are not so specific.

Suppose that your real job to achieve Perfect Speed is not to allow goals to get in your way. Instead you are to keep your vision clearly in mind as you “feel” your way each day to achieving that vision. A vision is NOT a goal or a number. It is an essence. Discipline and focus still matter. The only difference is that as you work toward a feeling or a vision, you do so with an openness to the way that vision materializes. You waste less time being disappointed and pouring your energy into a limited sense of what is available to you!

 

June 12: What’s Age Got to Do With IT?

Do you have an issue that you measure against your age or time?

Are you worried that by now you should be further up the corporate ladder, should have had your first or second child, should be doing more or should have done more?

Lots and lots of people have those concerns. They are, however, a form of measurement, and perhaps a form of measurement that neglects major aspects of your story.

Advice: Stop measuring yourself against time. Measure yourself in a broader way. Stop and look at how far you have come, but not in terms of the goal you are holding as a disappointment. Ask what you have been doing instead. What have you done with your time? What have you accomplished?

Frankly, because you have not made IT by a time you had in your head, does not mean that you won’t, and does not mean that you have failed.

The following are some questions that you must consider.

  • Have I done other things that are important that I am discounting in my need to get to specific goals? List them and wallow. 
  • Were my goals even the right goals? Was I chasing something that I thought was important, even as my soul showed me what was REALLY important? 
  • Was I even ready to achieve what I wanted? Was I instead preparing to be worthy of my goal as opposed to grabbing it? 
  • Am I assuming it is too late? Do I believe I am running out of time? Remember, achieving goals within a TIME construct is your idea. That does not mean it is correct. Reassess, and if your goal really was important, keep moving. 
  • Remember that it is not WHAT you actually get done when it comes to your evolution. It is how you handled yourself, what you learned and whether or not you grew or regressed as you strove for your outcomes. That is of course an opinion, but I like to ask this question. “Have I become someone I like better, have more respect for, and would want to steal horses with as a result of how I clamored around?” 

And so, ask the questions that give you peace instead of those that line you up in your own mind as a failure!!!Why? Because life is short. Sometimes when you process things without guilt and failure driving your choices, you accomplish MORE and you do it BETTER!

You may be a LATE BLOOMER!

skateboard 

 

June 4: “What is it that you want to have happen here?”

That is my very favorite question to ask when a client is struggling with an issue-any issue. Many times the answer is that they simply want the pain to be over or that they want to teach someone a lesson. Be careful what you wish for. It is very important to visualize an outcome that you would see as a WIN. Simply having a situation end sometimes leaves you with more issues and questions than you had before.

Stop, imagine Perfect Speed-how it would be if it were PERFECT? When you do so, stay open to the following aspects of PERFECT:

  1. How would it feel if it were perfect? 
  2. How would the others involved feel if it were perfect? 
  3. How can you communicate perfect to others without seeming self serving? 
  4. If you were to project forward how it will be if it is perfect, you can sometimes find out why you are having the reaction you are to the immediate question. For example, if it were perfect, I would turn the opportunity down. When I project out, I see a much better outcome coming to me because I am not stuck in this one that does not feel so great. 
  5. Knowing that you want to turn something down because it is not right for you, but also seeing that the others involved may continue into your future helps you do the RIGHT thing with your communications NOW. 

MAY: STARING DOWN TROUBLE 

The “Do Nothing” Quick Fix

Most of us have been in situations where we simply did not know what to do. The pressure is on to “FIX” it and we are compelled to whack around, usually to the frustration of ourselves and others.

When one of my clients runs into a situation that seemingly cannot be fixed, I often suggest riding it out for a while until a path becomes clear. This works for bad bosses, bad projects, and bad situations of any kind. Sometimes it is just not the right time to act.

However, if you are a procrastinator and follow the “do nothing” rule all the time, the situation is very likely to worsen. YOU are the person to whom I would be saying, “Do ANYTHING!”

For the rest of you, relax and smell the flowers until everything gets clear..

 

smell the roses 

A Quick Fix for Relationship Issues! 

judge 

Yep!  If you can pound the judgement out of you, you can change the relationship.

The problems that occur in almost any relationship begin with judgement. Whenever you find yourself harshly judging another person, a deteriorating relationship follows. Why? Because it is all about energy. Your energy exudes judgement whether you think you are camouflaging it, or not. The other person WILL pick up on it.

If this is an important relationship to you (in that it will affect you adversely if it is not good), then you must find a way to stop feeling negative about the other person. Here are some quick things you might try:

  • Pretend you ARE the other person for a brief moment. Ask yourself if you would like to be him/her with all of the background, and current realities the person faces.  
  • Ask yourself how you might have turned out, if you experienced his or her realities.  
  • Try focusing on all of the things you can admire and like about this person.  
  • Accept that we are all MIXED PICKLES.  
  • If others were to only focus on your negatives, how do you think it would go for you?  

Decide! Whenever you focus on judging another person, the end result is that you end up beating on yourself!

 

Looking for a new job or position?  No LUCK?  Here are some thoughts for you! (Note: this works for business owners as well if you are looking for a new approach or wanting to increase your business!)

 

Here are some very common mistakes that will slow you down or diminish your odds of success. Make sure you are not doing any of these before you assume that others just don’t get it!

  • Don’t focus on the money or the title! That often derails the most intense efforts. Why? Because you are not focusing on what you LOVE or want to do. As a result, your efforts will actually telegraph your lack of true passion!  
  • Don’t ignore feedback! Whether you believe it or not, it is important to stop and realize the perceptions others have. After all, they often decide to support you, hire you, or use your services.  
  • Never do things when you are feeling fearful. You will always have LESSER decision quality when you do!  
  • Don’t expect others to solve your problems for you….EVER!  

 

What should you do instead?

  • Always let go of the “trappings” of success, and focus on how you should feel!  
  • Examine the feedback (good and bad) for where it is pointing you.  
  • Let go of timing. Allow the timing to be the result of cause and effect, rather than your desires.  
  • Imagine letting go of the burden of feeling like you have to have something. Allow yourself to have what you are supposed to.  

Trust yourself. You will find what you need when you need it!