You and Lucky YOU!
  {solving problems with T.L.C.}


I was looking for a place to go to help me be more objective, more skillful, and less reactive. I found it!


Learn to Entertain Yourself!
If you are unhappy alone, your chances of being happy in a relationship may be compromised. Why? Because you are expecting the other person to provide your happiness. That puts a lot of pressure on the other person!

If you are confused or distressed by relationships with others, order a copy of "In Search of a Yatz, a love story" Click here to read excerpts, reviews or purchase: YATZ

There are lots of ways to be alone!

Unfortunately we have stereotypes that can convince us that "alone" means that we have failed at relationships. Logically that simply does not compute. There are many people in relationships who are more alone than someone who appears to be flying solo.
Solo may be a statement of growth, lessons learned, confidence....or not.
Know yourself. If you are alone, and it is not what you would choose, be patient. Assume that you are trying to learn something important-like the confidence to choose appropriately for yourself. Use the time to assess the quality of your friendships and past relationships. Be aware that if you move too quickly, you are likely to simply hook up with a disguised version of what you already had.
Do the work on YOU! Every relationship has two sides. You too are responsible, no matter the evidence to the contrary. If you must be alone, and don't like it, use the time well.

There are lots of ways to be in love!

There's giddy. And then there's obsessive. Of course, there's angry. There is the kind of love where no matter how the other person acts, you will never be satisfied. How do you feel when you are in love? Happy, confident, scared, tentative, suspicious,trapped?
Think of Love as a TEST about how well we process our own weaknesses. Rarely is it simple. Your emotions can tell you a lot about your readiness for a healthy relationship. If your emotions are all over the place, you are probably still in the healing process.
All states are valuable, but not all states are healthy. If you are bouncing all over, try to think of it as a symptom of your fragility. Try not to blame the other person for your lack of readiness. Your feelings may be telling you that either you, or the other person is simply not in a place for "healthy". Trust those feelings as an indication that this may not be a good time to push forward. Or, this may not be a good person to push forward on. Be very careful of attempting to contort yourself into someone you think the other person should want. It never works long term.

Think "DOG"
Our pets can be a reflection of our capacity to love.

Experiencing unconditional love is a rare and precious thing. Hopefully you find it in your relationships,or with your children. Often it can be found in the way you respond to a beloved pet. Find the models in your life of unconditional, and accept nothing less when choosing a significant other.
©Toni Lynn Chinoy