There are lots of ways to be alone!
Unfortunately we have stereotypes that can convince us that
"alone" means that we have failed at relationships. Logically that simply
does not compute. There are many people in relationships who are more
alone than someone who appears to be flying solo.
Solo may be a statement of growth, lessons learned,
Know yourself. If you are alone, and it is not what you would
choose, be patient. Assume that you are trying to learn something
important-like the confidence to choose appropriately for yourself. Use
the time to assess the quality of your friendships and past relationships.
Be aware that if you move too quickly, you are likely to simply hook up
with a disguised version of what you already had.
Do the work on YOU! Every relationship has two sides. You too
are responsible, no matter the evidence to the contrary. If you must be
alone, and don't like it, use the time well.
There are lots of ways to be in love!
There's giddy. And then there's obsessive. Of course, there's
angry. There is the kind of love where no matter how the other person
acts, you will never be satisfied. How do you feel when you are in love?
Happy, confident, scared, tentative, suspicious,trapped?
Think of Love as a TEST about how well we process our own
weaknesses. Rarely is it simple. Your emotions can tell you a lot about
your readiness for a healthy relationship. If your emotions are all over
the place, you are probably still in the healing process.
All states are valuable, but not all states are healthy. If
you are bouncing all over, try to think of it as a symptom of your
fragility. Try not to blame the other person for your lack of readiness.
Your feelings may be telling you that either you, or the other person is
simply not in a place for "healthy". Trust those feelings as an indication
that this may not be a good time to push forward. Or, this may not be a
good person to push forward on. Be very careful of attempting to contort
yourself into someone you think the other person should want. It never
works long term.
Our pets can be a reflection of our capacity to
Experiencing unconditional love is a rare and precious thing.
Hopefully you find it in your relationships,or with your children. Often
it can be found in the way you respond to a beloved pet. Find the models
in your life of unconditional, and accept nothing less when choosing a
©Toni Lynn Chinoy